Pretty Please, Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office several time even stayed in the hospital, washed hundreds of loads of laundry, been thrown up on and pooped on countless time.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

• I want arms that don't flap in the breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the toy aisle at Walmart and carry out 4 bags of trash at a time.
• I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my pregnancy with Baylor.
• And if you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with stain proof carpet, fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music.
• It would be nice to have a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals or people dressed in crazy costumes that make me have nightmares.
• I could also use a recording of monks chanting, "No Playdoh on the carpet", "Leave her alone", and "Spit it out".

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for a hot bath without 2 kids and a dog watching me or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container or that comes out of a box and has to be heated in the microwave for 2 minutes removed stirred and heated for another minute.

If you don't mind I could also use a Christmas miracle to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ranch and Dr. Pepper a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

Got to run the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and Brier saw my feet under the laundry room door and he is turning the nob.

P.S. While your here can you fold the endless basket of laundry and carry out the sack of dirty diapers. Thanks!

Love,
Adrian